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| Sunday, September 21st, 2008 | | 1:41 am |
Hope
I wrote this one tonight on myspace, but I may rewrite it. I started it and them came back and I'm not sure if I like it the way it came out. Hope springs eternal, even when you think it is gone Hope wipes your tears away, gives you strength to go on Hope comes in, and sweeps your breath away Hope even far away, can come in and treat you like a princess Hope can tease you with love, make you hope for it again Hope I've found it again Hope she's the one Current Mood:  loved | | 1:39 am |
Lost
I wrote this one a little while ago on myspace. She came here and I was swept away made me feel special made me feel like someone we were together and it was bliss. You left and I felt I had a chance but you were already taken and I was never anyone to you not worth one thin dime. I cried I struggled retained what little I had. You returned but it was too late I was no one hurt and gone it was never to be. Current Mood:  blah | | Saturday, September 20th, 2008 | | 7:31 pm |
Friend in Seattle needs help
Hi all. I'm trying to post this as much as I can, so my friend Sinkist (Mika) can get some help. I know some of you are up in the Seattle area. Her post is below. So my roomate is moving out at the end of the month and I can't afford where I am on my own so I've been looking for a place, but I know there are more apartments out there than I'm finding. So if you live in Seattle, and see any buildings with vacancies that aren't asking 1000 a month for a single please send me a quick note with the location! Thanks :) Drop me a line, and I will connect her with you if you can help. Thanks. :) Current Mood: hopeful | | Friday, May 23rd, 2008 | | 9:02 pm |
Joe Update
I went out to the barn yesterday to work with Joe some more, cause the weather wasn't too bad, cept for the ridiculous amount of wind. Then of course, this is the wind belt here in NE and IA. I don't remember if I previously wrote about it on here, but about 2 months ago maybe Joe got zapped by the electric fence wire when I was taking him out through the gate from his pasture. Well, yesterday was the 3rd successful time in a row that he came out the gate, right along with me, no problems at all. Yay! :) He's been such a good boy the last 3 times. He's been a really super good boy of late. Over last weekend, when I went to see him, I ended up crying on him in the pasture, after I recounted things of late to my friends there. I just stood out there and held him for about 10 minutes, just cuddling him and crying. He just let me hold him and cry away. I don't know what I'd do without him, he's so good. Of course, during the trying times of getting him out of the pasture he kinda hurt me bad, when he wouldn't come out when I wanted him to meet someone special. That time is past now though, I guess. Hopefully he will continue along this path of not balking at the gate from now on. I'm hoping I can get in some riding on him this weekend, for the first time this year. Current Mood:  bouncy | | Wednesday, April 30th, 2008 | | 12:53 am |
Shells
I give up, I'm going away. I'm climbing in my shell and hiding, and probably never coming out again. Obviously I'm never meant to be with anyone, never meant to be happy. I just wish I could crawl away, lay down in a corner and die. Everytime I think gee, my life couldn't possibly get any worse, whoo, slam, slap down, yes Kimmy, it can and it does. It's always my turn on the list to get hurt, played with, fucked over, whatever. I guess it's my mission to just be sad and miserable, live on for my friends, and hope for an early grave. Current Mood:  depressed | | Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008 | | 8:47 pm |
So
So lost So alone So tired So afraid So open So hurt again So back to raised shields So used to the lonelyness So living on, alone, to the end Current Mood: crappy | | Friday, April 18th, 2008 | | 7:14 pm |
Lost
The skies cried every day after you left The winds howled their misery and saddness The grass grew green with envy at where you'd gone The sun refused to come out and play The moon would only peek out to see if things were better The earth shook in sobs of grief Sound, presence, spirit, all gone now A permanent loss to us Only time will tell I may work on this more, if I can find a better way to end it, if it is truely ended for that matter. Current Mood: crushed | | Monday, April 14th, 2008 | | 10:01 pm |
Crash and Burn
I had a hard time again with my horse, Joe, yesterday. He still won't come out of the paddock without someone to help me by bringing a lounge whip behind him. I took out Cirro first and groomed him, gave him some treats and let him graze some on grass that's growing in now. Then I tried to get him out and failed once again, the second time I couldn't get him to come out on my own. :( I took Hannah out and groomed her, gave her treats and let her graze on grass too. My mood, which had been pretty good, based on my visitor from the past week, tanked. I got really upset with Joe, and screamed at him about sending him back to the rescue, and that there was no point in keeping him if he'd never come out of the paddock. I went in and told Jamie about what happened, then I headed out to go over to Janelle's to finish my laundry. Then I went home and sat around and just started thinking about how things with Kiraa were too good to be true. She was too much like the girl that would be a good fit for me, that she'd never want someone like me, all shy and introverted and with no game after 6 years of not dating, no sex, etc. I spent most of the evening at home, crying on and off, and talking to another friend online that was having similiar depressive feelings. Didn't cry myself to sleep, but it felt pretty close. Current Mood: sadCurrent Music: None | | Friday, April 11th, 2008 | | 2:27 am |
Shields
My visit with Kiraa aka vamp is going pretty well. Kiraa has been struggling with migraines while she's been here, at least partly due to the crappy weather we've been having all week. :( I'm struggling a bit with keeping my shields up, and I've been kinda nervous on and off, as my lack of confidence and self esteem sways back and forth. I had a anxiety attack, I got really wound up and suffered a total loss of confidence. I'll write some more tomorrow, up too late already as it is. Current Mood: hopeful | | Monday, March 31st, 2008 | | 7:41 am |
My dog
On the night of Saturday, March 15th, I had a long, involved dream about my old dog, Sandy. It was one of those long, complicated ones that seems really real. Not like dreams where you know they look real while you're in them, but something(s) look out of place, or illogical for the situation going on in the dream. It was totally like I'd known that Sandy was gone, but that someway I had got her back and she was with me again. We were together again as if she'd never left. It was very intense and I was so happy in my dream to be able to spend time with her again. Then, as all good things, it had to end. Somehow, in the dream, I was away from Sandy, and I knew that something was wrong, and if I didn't get to her in time, she was going to die, and I was going to lose her again. As I was in the process of returning to where I knew she was, I was swept out of the dream, and woke up. It was a very shocking awakening and I just started bawling right there in my bed. It hurt so very terribly, it felt like I had just lost her all over again. I cried hard and loud for about 10 minutes, as I realized that my cat Flats had curled up against my right hand. I wondered out of my room after I'd managed to settle myself down some, and found that I had woken up my roommmate, Lexy. She was worried as she'd heard me crying. She gave me a big hug after I told her why I'd been crying and set myself off again. We talked a little bit, and she made me some hot cocoa. Then it was back to bed for more sleeps. Current Mood: crushed | | Sunday, November 25th, 2007 | | 3:43 pm |
I'm leaving the market
Surprise, I'm actually writing a blog entry. I haven't written in months, and I was hoping I might have something to write about now that was good, but alas, no. *sigh* I am tired of caring about a person, crushing on them, falling for them, etc. and just ending up hurt, heart broken and alone. No, I don't mean any one specific person right now, just a litany of my lifes failures in the last 7 years. All I seem to be good for to anyone is as a very good to bestest friend for the people that I am interested in, attracted to, etc. Anyone that I think of as just a friend, or worse down the list, they're the ones that want to be with me. People that I don't want and am not interested in at all. Therefore, I'm am dropping all my expectations, hopes, dreams, and taking myself off the market. I'm never bothering to look for anyone again, look at people I meet as a potential mate and so forth. It's just not going to happen, so why bother. If someone meets me and wants to initiate something, that's there problem then. I'm outta here for now. Maybe back to do some more crying. :( Current Mood: depressed | | Tuesday, October 30th, 2007 | | 1:24 pm |
Which Disney Princess Are You? |  | You are part Jasmine. You are loyal and would visit the ends of the earth for what you believe. You would never let obstacles stand in the way of true love. |  | You are part Pocahontas. You defy convention and sometimes do what is considered taboo. Unfortunately, others do not always appreciate your differences, so it's good that you are so strong-willed. You are loyal and you believe in fate. Your true love will find you one day. | | Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com |
| | Tuesday, October 9th, 2007 | | 7:56 pm |
| | Thursday, July 19th, 2007 | | 12:28 am |
The Which Lolcat Are You? Test
Your Score: Longcat61% Affectionate, 28% Excitable, 37% HungryDescription 5Protector of truth. Slayer of darkness. Loooooong. Longcat may seem like just a regular lengthy cat, but he is, in fact, looong. For proof, observe the longpic. It is prophesized that Longcat and his archnemesis Tacgnol will battle for supremacy on Caturday. The outcome will change the face of the world, and indeed the very fabric of lolcatdom, forever. Be grateful that the test has chosen you, and only you, to have this title. | | Friday, May 11th, 2007 | | 7:38 pm |
Which Star Trek character are you?
Hmmmmmm. Your results: You are An Expendable Character (Redshirt)| An Expendable Character (Redshirt) |
| 100% |
| Jean-Luc Picard |
| 80% |
| Mr. Sulu |
| 65% |
| Deanna Troi |
| 65% |
| Spock |
| 57% |
| Leonard McCoy (Bones) |
| 55% |
| Data |
| 55% |
| Geordi LaForge |
| 55% |
| Beverly Crusher |
| 50% |
| Will Riker |
| 50% |
| Worf |
| 40% |
| James T. Kirk (Captain) |
| 35% |
| Chekov |
| 25% |
| Uhura |
| 25% |
| Mr. Scott |
| 15% |
|
Since your accomplishments are seldom noticed,
and you are rarely thought of, you are expendable.
That doesn't mean your job isn't important but if you
were in Star Trek you would be killed off in the first
episode you appeared in.
 |
Click here to take the Star Trek Personality Test Current Mood:  nervous | | Monday, April 30th, 2007 | | 7:33 pm |
All mine now
All the papers are signed, and Joe is all mine now. I have my horse, and a place for him to live all lined up. Now I just have to arrange for him to be trailered from the horse rescue to my friends place in Iowa. I'm very excited and happy about him. Him and my kitty are my main family now. The one that'll be here, unless my sister moves back to NE. | | Thursday, April 26th, 2007 | | 8:18 pm |
Disabled List
I went to the podiatrist today, as my problems with my feet, especially my left one have countinued essentially unabated and I found out that I'll be on the d/l for a week. No work, as she doesn't want me to do any unnecessary standing or walking, which, considering I have enough sick time, is what working at the post office falls under. I'll be sitting at home, trying to catch up on some things, and hopefully making my foot all better, while I do physical therapy while I'm off. Hopefully this will mean my foot will get better, and I won't need to have surgery on it. Current Mood:  tired | | Saturday, April 14th, 2007 | | 11:22 pm |
Stomach scopins
I had my stomach scoped this past Tuesday. They found and removed a polyp in my stomach, and confirmed that I do have reflux. The biopsy of the polyp showed that it was pre-cancerous, so I lucked out that my regular doctor decided that I needed my stomach looked at. My stomach has hurt since the day after, but it's been decreasing each doctor, which is what the doctor said it should do. It's cause of the size of the polyp he took out, it has made an ulcer in my stomach, till it heals up. He also dilated a part of my esophagus that was constricted, so I shouldn't have any more problems with feeling like food is catching or hitching on the way down, or making me choke like has happened before. Of course, I'll still be careful like I've been with cutting my food up smaller. Current Mood: uncomfortable | | Thursday, April 12th, 2007 | | 8:29 pm |
Vacation loss
Well, I'm back from vacation to NY and Boston, and as seems usual now, sick. It seems whenever I go back to NY to visit my parents, I end up getting sick. I did get to visit my friend Stacey in Pennsylvania this year, without being sick. We went out to dinner and the movies. Saw Night at the Museum again, which she hadn't seen, but it was a good movie, I didn't mind seeing it again. Next day, went back in State College, checked out the mall and the Barnes & Noble bookstore and got a pedicure. At home, my parents got me clothes, food, and I took a few of my things back home. Also, got lots of yummy dinners out. Went up to Boston on Saturday to visit Sarah. Got to meet her two kittens. We went out and did about the frist half of the freedom trail through Boston, plus we walked through Boston Commons and the gardens across the street. We went through two neat museums, saw lots of old buildings and statues, and went through two historic graveyards. Saw lots of graves of important historic figures, like Paul Revere and Mother Goose. We had dinner down in that area, had some yummy crabcakes, then we went through the food area and got some good desserts. We went around and did some window shopping afterwards, and I got the two sport jerseys that my co-worker wanted, the Red Sox and the Patriots. I had a really great time with Sarah, which made all the harder when she told me that I'm too old for her, and it's a little weird for her that we've known each other since she was 15. She turned 25 this past February. So, I had my heart broke some more, what little isn't all broken and hurt already. At least she said I can come back and visit more, and for longer, and we can do more stuff together, and if I can find a good outfit, we can go out and find someone to play with us. Current Mood: depressedCurrent Music: Shao Rong - Orchid | | Thursday, March 29th, 2007 | | 10:57 pm |
Saturday
As Saturday quickly approaches, I rack my nerves as I prepare to go to Boston to see this girl that I like very much. I don't know if she 'likes' likes me, or not, but I'm trying to hope for the best. I'm pretty much set to just give up if nothing happens with her. It's not worth all the pain, fustration and depression fretting over the fact that it's likely that I'll never find someone. But, at least wish me luck with Sarah. Current Mood:  stressed |
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